Traditionally, it was common for aunties and mothers to teach young women about their bodies long before they got married. Today, women get sexually active with only a friend, boyfriend or husband to offer advice. This not only means you give your power to someone else, and are therefore less likely to enjoy yourself; it can also put you at risk for sexual diseases and unplanned pregnancy.
Are you about to get to the next level of your relationship? Do this first:
Are you about to get to the next level of your relationship? Do this first:
Understand yourself
It sounds crazy, but you need to be ready and truly OK with whom you are. Are you getting married? Make sure it is what you want to do. Think through the consequences and your personal values. If you decide not to wait until you are in a committed relationship (something which I truly advice), ensure you are ready to deal with the consequences? What will you do if you break up? Take time out to think about what being sexually active will mean to you. If you feel pressured or are trying to give the other person a “present”: do not do it!
Visit your gynecologist
Talk to your gynaecologist about reproductive health and family planning options before you become sexually active. If you have never been to the gynecologist’s, go with a trusted friend, your partner or even Once you are sexually active, get a pap smear at least once a year to check for cervical cancer and general wellbeing. If you are 21, and not sexually active, go for a check anyway to make sure everything is OK.
Know the other person’s sexual history.
Take time to understand how many people your partner has been with, his approach to sex and his value system. This applies to oral sex as well – you do not want to feel used, or get involved with a sexual conqueror of some sort.
Get tested
Even if you are both virgins, go for STD tests together. It is extremely important and sets the stage for a clean, open relationship. All you need to do is say, “When would you be available to go for tests with me? I’d be a lot more comfortable if we did.” While going to a VCT clinic is a good first step, try to get a range of STD tests done. You can do this cheaply at government hospitals and research institutes in your area.
Talk about birth control & pregnancy
Discuss these issues before you “do the deed.” It should not be left to you to take the pill, or only to him to have condoms. Come to an agreement. As a woman, you will find that there is a lot of pressure for you to plan your reproductive health. Involve your partner, and if he appears reluctant, bolt! Discuss different scenarios. What are your views on: family planning, adoption, raising the child? You need to be on the same page. I always say, if you are going to have se, there is a 0.01% chance that you could get pregnant – even when you use protection. Have a clear plan.
Discuss these issues before you “do the deed.” It should not be left to you to take the pill, or only to him to have condoms. Come to an agreement. As a woman, you will find that there is a lot of pressure for you to plan your reproductive health. Involve your partner, and if he appears reluctant, bolt! Discuss different scenarios. What are your views on: family planning, adoption, raising the child? You need to be on the same page. I always say, if you are going to have se, there is a 0.01% chance that you could get pregnant – even when you use protection. Have a clear plan.