So I am a full time working young professional who also goes to school full time. I am ambitious, pretty, opinionated, hardworking, and very independent. I used to be into socializing and interacting with everyone without consequences of how I could be affected until I decided to take better care of my emotional needs. I have learned that not everyone will have my best interests at heart and that people always have their self-interests first for the most part.
To make a long story short, I had to drop my priority of looking for love to become more successful with my career, and I made it happen in 2008. So I didn’t look for love. I studied super hard and in the process met a guy friend in my small study group in early October. I had a test coming up in late October, so although I think I liked him very much from the get go, I wanted to pass my test. In the end, I passed my test and he did not. What ended up happening was I would see him daily and we became friends, e-mailing each other and talking to each other over the phone. I learned through another student that there is this blonde girl who likes him (and he probably likes) and so I would tease him about that (I’m brunette).
I feel like he and I always have a lot to talk about since we have the same tastes in life, same goals, even similar family background except for the fact that he is wealthy and comes from a wealthy family and I am quite the opposite, as I have had to work for everything I have on my own and am self sufficient. Lately, work and school have just drained me to the point where I don’t want any more stress in my life. I realized I was starting to fall in love with my friend when I would get super happy just to “hang out” with him, yet he would find some crazy excuse not to go out. After a couple of times, I felt my heart break. I even got jealous when our phone conversations would be long, but he would eventually bring up this other girl from school (the blonde) who I don’t even know or want to talk about. After all, I have never even met her or seen her.
I am twenty-nine and he’s twenty-six. At times, he acts like my best friend always asking me how I am and e-mailing me at work and home and I feel really happy. I love it when he calls me and we talk for a long time, but then feel saddened by the possibility of him mentioning the other girl. In order to end the torture, I just stopped answering his calls and I know it is affecting our friendship, but I am afraid of telling him how I feel because it wouldn’t be “appropriate” for a friend to feel that way. I honestly don’t know what to do because I have never felt this way about someone ever in my life. It’s like being so helpless in love with someone but at the same time not wanting to fall because you may get hurt. I have never been so freaking vulnerable in my life that it scares me. I feel like he could be the One. I know it even sounds funny just for me to write this, but I don’t know. I get this weird sense.
He used to make me laugh so hard and I miss that, too. I just miss being around him as well. But I hate how jealous I get because I am not the insecure type. I know who I am, I know my strengths, and I know I could not even be compared to this other girl. But I must admit I got so depressed when he told me that his parents know about the girl and her parents know about him. I felt like, what was I, chopped liver? And people in my circle say he’s a nice guy, but I deserve better, but at the same time I know I love him. I can’t put myself through this misery, so am I doing the right thing by just trying to get him out of my life completely? I can’t tell if he’s a heartbreaker or not; he acts so naive at times, but at other times, he acts mature and polished, like he can be really caring and sweet, thoughtful. I don’t know what to do and am hoping that a few readers can give me the insight, wisdom, and advice that I desperately need. I used to tell my parents and friends about him and be so happy when I could gab about our conversations. Now, I just dread getting hurt and am scared that he likes that other girl and I am just his “friend.” What is a young, pretty, successful, driven lady to do?
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