You’ve been dating for weeks, maybe months. In your
mind you’re his girlfriend. It certainly feels like you’re
his girlfriend. There’s passion, love, fun, and maybe
even an occasional “I love you.” But there’s a
sneaking feeling that you’re not both seeing the
relationship in the same way. Join me tonight by 10pm Central Africa Time CAT on Space FM 90.1 listen via social platform anywhere in the world via tunein.com or MixLR.com or www.spacefm901.com to talk about twelve tips
that can clear things up right away on "Musing Heart".
Have you Slipped Out of the Comfort Zone?
You’ve been dating for weeks, maybe months. In your
mind you’re his girlfriend. It certainly feels like you’re
his girlfriend. There’s passion, love, fun, and maybe
even an occasional “I love you.” But there’s a
sneaking feeling that you’re not both seeing the
relationship in the same way. Here are eleven tips
that can clear things up right away.
Tip 1: You’ve Never Met His Friends or Family
If you’ve been dating for, say, eight weeks and you’ve
never laid eyes on his friends or family, it’s time to
start asking questions. Chances are, you aren’t his
girlfriend. Sure, we all get busy and sometimes work
sends us places where friends and family are scarce.
But most likely he’s avoiding this introduction for a
reason, and you need to know why.
Tip 2: You’re Not His Date to Major Events
What’s a major event? His company holiday party.
(“Those things are boring. I don’t want to put you
through it.”) A friend’s birthday party. (“There’s going
to be so many people you don’t know. I’ll just make
an appearance.”) Thanksgiving at his friends. (“Joe’s
a big drinker. I’ll just eat something and come by
your place afterwards.”)
Tip 3: If You Haven’t Had the Talk, You’re Probably
Not His Girlfriend
Sometimes the loudest thing in the room is what isn’t
said. Think about your time together. Have you talked
about how you both see the relationship and what you
want down the road? Have you talked about being
exclusive sexually? If the answer is no, and you’ve
been dating for some weeks/months, then you’re
probably not his girlfriend.
Tip 4: He Never Calls on the Weekend
If you’re dating a man who doesn’t see you as his
girlfriend, it can be hard for him to prioritize you. He
clearly likes being around you, but making time for
quality interaction means that weekend calls are
probably few and far between. You may get lots of
texts, because those can be sent easily no matter
what the situation, but real human interaction is
tough to spare.
Tip 5: You’ve Never Seen His Place
Does he have a load of reasons why you can’t go to
his place? “My roommates are pigs.” “I never have
time to clean it up.” “Your place is so much nicer. It
doesn’t make sense to go to mine.” After some period
of time you’ve GOT to see his space. It’s hard to
really know a person without seeing where they live,
so if he’s giving you the stiff arm about a visit to his
home chances are something’s amiss.
Tip 6: You Are Introduced as “My Friend” or Just by
Name
It is common and natural to share a person’s
connection to you when you introduce them, i.e. “This
is my father, Bill.” Some men will try to trot out the
old “I’m not into labels” sawhorse, but if he
introduces you as “a friend,” that’s exactly what you
are. You’re not his girlfriend.
Tip 7: Last Minute Changes Throw Him for a Loop
Here’s a great girlfriend litmus test. How does your
guy handle last minute schedule changes? If you
called him and said, “Wednesday something has come
up. Can we do Friday?”, would the answer typically
be no? We’re not suggesting that you test him, but if
a legitimate change is needed, consider how he would
react. Does he act like a man who is completely
booked up and juggling several priorities?
Tip 8: You’re Restricted to the Non-Prime Time Date
Nights
Often a girlfriend will have a standing date on Friday
or Saturday night – maybe both. If you find that your
date nights tend to be Sunday through Thursday, and
there’s no work schedule driving the choices, you may
want to ask some questions. Would a girlfriend never
get a Saturday night date?
Tip 9: Future Talk Makes Him Squirm
It is rare to find men who love to sit and talk about
their relationship, so we’re not suggesting that a real
boyfriend will seek out deep relationship talks. But a
man who sees you as a temporary fixture in his life
will avoid that conversation like the plague.
Tip 10: He’s Hot and Cold
Is he hot when he wants to see you and cold when
he doesn’t? Are things always on his terms? If you
showed up at his work for lunch and said, “Surprise!”
would he have a heart attack? All very good signs
that you are not his girlfriend.
Tip 11: You Get the Late Night, “Hey, are you home?”
Call
It can be sexy to get a late phone call, but it can also
be a harbinger of bad things. If you find that your
new Mr. Wonderful has a habit of calling you for a
visit mostly when he’s on his way home from
someplace else, your girlfriend status is in doubt.
www.eharmony.com