On Valentine's Day we celebrate love. Romantic love, usually.
Self-love, sometimes. And now, in the name of that powerful
bond that exists between "misery" and "company," we
celebrate 2 real horrifying stories of hopeless humiliation,
broken hearts, broken noses, and the most ill-advised first
date of all time — all of them occurring on Valentine's Day.
Enjoy your love of Pyematism through these real — and
really terrible — tales from the Cut and our miserable-but-
magical friends.
FIRST STORY....
She Broke Her Nose During a Blow Job:
Hello Pye, I am a fan of your blog and believe me....i read it
religiously. I wish to share my Valentine experience with you.
My husband wanted a blow
job. Though I’d done “stuff” before, I was still learning how to
round the bases. As a Pye's blog reader, you offered a lot of
advice about
oral sex. "Pretend his junk is an ice-cream cone,"
"Play with his balls." And also: "Wake him up with a blow job
— he’ll love it." I decided to proffer his first blow job as a gift
on Valentine’s Day.
The night before V-Day I am so excited that I just lie there
awake all night. Waiting for him to fall asleep. Waiting for him
to stay asleep. Waiting for him to wake up. Finally, as
daylight
breaks and he is stirring, I go for it. He’s hard and gets
harder
in mouth. He seems to be into it when all of a sudden he
wakes up in shock and — in one lightning-fast reflex — sits
bolt upright and punches me in the nose. Really hard. Despite
what pornography may suggest, some men do not react well
to being woken up to sex.
So we went to the hospital, where we spent the
day having my nose reset and explaining that it wasn’t
domestic violence. For dinner he takes me to Planet One
restaurant, where
we spend the meal arguing about whether I am a sexual
predator. To this day I get really nervous initiating morning
sex, so I’ll sort of stare into his face while rubbing his thigh
until I end up in what, I am told, has become my signature
sex
move: hand jobs with weirdly intense eye contact.
My nose is still bigger than it used to be.
SECOND STORY.....
The Text-Message BBM Breakup
We’d been seeing each other about six months, but the
relationship was still nebulous — talking, chatting, hanging out,
occasional booty calls, never making real plans. After six
months of that, you start to get tired. Valentine’s Day came
with zero mentions of going on a date, until maybe 5 p.m.
that night when he pinged to ask what I was doing. I was
exhausted — I’d been wearing a really uncomfortable corset-
and-garter contraption all day on the off-chance I saw him,
and I was annoyed at him and the underwear both. I
responded by asking not just what we were doing that night,
but where this whole relationship was going. He acted
bewildered: “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m
trying to see you right now!” We ended up in a lengthy BBM chatting fight, culminating in me telling him to forget it and delete my pin and number.
A friend later suggested that perhaps he was trying to surprise
me, but honestly? The chances of that are slim to none. All I
know for sure is that texting or pinging is an anti-climactic way to break up with someone. It’s like screaming silently in public. No Val for me dear...
THIRD STORY
...in love with a widower
I love him the very first day i saw him. We met at the training in 2007 and he has always been in the picture of my imagination. He is handsome and cute. My roommate was hanging out with him,so i assumed they were dating. I put my mind off him. As a shy lady,i kept all my feelings to myself and moved on. Years after, we reconnected and he was all over me as if he knew i had loved him...we kissed and had dinner together.
He was already married by then.
2 years later, his lovely wife died in US and was buried in Nigeria. Not too long,after 5 months after the death if his wife,we met again and this time, the fire between us was still burning and i gave in to love him.
He was full of promises and lonely. I was afraid of the traditional rites for widowers but later,i made up my kind to love him.
We planned to have sex after a year of mourning the death of his wife.
I am not still sure if he's still in love with me because on Valentine's day, he didnt call my cellphone.
I still love him. i do love him (yep).I wish he's over the death of his wife and have a chance with me.
My Val day was wasted, waiting for his call. (Sob)
