The Ogedengbes
In this Interview with Punch Nollywood actor, Femi Ogedengbe, and his wife, Nkechi, talk about their five-year-old union
How long have you been married?
Nkechi: We have been married for five years.
How did you meet your wife?
Femi: We met in 2007 on the set of a soap opera. She was the make-up artist. The work was produced by Tajudeen Adepetu and she also doubled as a costumier. Then, I had reached a stage in my life when I wanted to get married. As expected, I searched for some qualities in women but I was never desperate. Initially, I did not take notice of her but there was a misunderstanding on the set. I had to shave my beard and she suggested I did that with a blade, which I had never tried. Before then, I made up my mind that I might date somebody in the industry but not for marriage because the job is very demanding.
What made you change your mind?
Femi: Mercy Johnson-Okojie, who I was mentoring. She was aware I was on the search for a wife. There was a day I was talking with her and said I was interested in the make-up artist on set. Mercy knew her because she was also on the set of the same movie. Immediately I told her, she went down on her knees and said I had made a right choice. Then, I asked Nkechi out in 2007 but she did not give in until 2008.
What qualities did you see in her?
Femi: I have always studied the book of Proverbs 31 verses10-31, which talks about the virtuous woman. Though not perfect, I wanted an almost perfect woman who would complement my weaknesses. When I met her, there was a connection that my entire being could relate with. As an actor, I have met women but there was something about her. She is gentle. I also noticed that she was diligent and has a passion for her job.
Nkechi: I did not want to have anything to do with anybody in the industry. I was seeing somebody who my sister did not like. When I told her about Femi, she encouraged me to date him.
Were there times you felt like quitting the relationship?
Nkechi: In July 2009, I was on my way back from a movie set outside Lagos and went to his house. On getting there, I met him at the gate with a lady. I greeted him and went into the house. I heard the lady asking him who I was and he said I was his friend’s girlfriend. I felt very bad about it though he later apologised. We are married now and I am not bothered about the level of female attention he receives because he understands what marriage is all about.
Were you not discouraged by the fierce roles he plays in movies?
Nkechi: A friend of mine, who is a movie director, begged me not to marry Femi because he felt he was too troublesome. Apart from the roles he plays in movies, he was troublesome in real life but not any longer. What people did not understand was he usually fought to protect the rights of others.
Femi: Back then in Nollywood, it was said ‘the fear of Femi Ogedengbe is the beginning of wisdom.’ This was because I fought a lot. I have had open confrontations with the likes of John Okafor, Tony One Week, Andy Amenechi and Nek Nnebue but we are friends now and I am a changed person. I am now a good Christian and even if I was not, I had made up my mind never to raise my hand against any woman I marry. I did that and more when I was younger. I am approaching 45 years now and I am more mature. You don’t approach issues of life the way you did when you were in your 20s or 30s.
How did you propose to her?
Femi: I am from the backstreet of Mushin and I don’t know how to do all those kneeling down with rose in one hand and ring in the other. I just invited her over and I asked if she was ready for marriage. She answered in the affirmative and that was it.
Considering your states of origin, was there opposition from family members?
Femi: I am from Edo State and she is from Delta State even though her mother is from Edo State. Technically, we are from the same place. It is not where you come from; it’s about who you are.
How has the journey in marriage been?
Femi: Apart from the hard times in Nigeria, I don’t have any regrets. I enjoy my marriage but a man cannot actually do those things he dreamt of doing as a married man when he was a lot younger.
Were the early years of your marriage tough?
Nkechi: I don’t believe people when they say the first few years of marriage come with issues. For me, everything has been easy. It is what you want in your marriage that you will tell God and that is exactly what I did.
What are some of the habits you had to let go after you got married?
Femi: I have never been a smoker except in movies. I am moderate on alcohol but the only thing I had to work on was my temper.
Who apologises first when you quarrel?
Nkechi: The truth is, my husband does.
Femi: If you want people to follow, lead by example. That’s what I have been doing. I have come to know my wife for who she is. She is a bit too arrogant to apologise but lately, she has been saying sorry whenever she does any wrong.
How do you spend time together as a couple?
Femi: I would have loved to take my family out every day but I can’t afford it. I work very hard yet I find it difficult to afford some of these necessities of life. I took my family out on my first daughter’s birthday and I saw that everybody enjoyed the outing. It encouraged me to do more but that requires finance.
What pet names do you address each other by?
Femi: On my phone, I stored her number as ‘Mine’ and she calls me Honey.
What are the secrets to a successful marriage?
Femi: Tolerance is one vital tool. Before marriage, make up your mind to stay true to the union, no matter what happens. Learn to forgive because in marriage, there are rough times when you will question your decision to marry your spouse. Never get angry at every mistake.
Do you involve your wife in your decision-making process?
Femi: For every step I want to take, I discuss with her but I must have thought it over and concluded that this decision will benefit both of us. The moment I get a clear picture of what the plans are and I am empowered with enough information, I discuss with her. I don’t impose my decisions on her.
Whose idea was it to name your newborn twin babies, Nollywood and Hollywood?
Femi: I made up my mind and then went to tell her at the hospital. I told her there was something I planned to do and I knew it would shock her. When I told her, she just laughed over it.
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